F**kface Watch Along: The Tuxedo
Bonus · published 2022-01-22 · archive #93

[0:00:00] Eric: This is a Rooster Teeth production. Okay. We're good. So now, Geoff can introduce this, and then we can do the whole thing. I don't know why you're giving away trivia and quotes from the thing we're about to watch. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense. No, it's just really- Okay. I understand what you're doing, but we're trying to watch the movie. Now, now, now, Geoff, take it away. I watched this on VHS.
[0:00:35] Unidentified: Oh my God.
[0:00:36] Geoff: All right. I'll say right now, I would take it away, but Eric just did a phenomenal job. You heard what he said. He basically encapsulated what's happening. We're watching the tuxedo. This was Andrew's idea, or Gavin's. Somebody's idea was definitely not my idea, and everybody's mad. Everybody's yelling and frustrating, and we can't get shit to work. Andrew is lost in the weeds, and Gavin is- I think he's only here by- There's about 30% of Gavin here. But I'm ready to go! Hit play!
[0:01:05] Gavin: You love to start stuff by just putting a weird mood on it.
[0:01:09] Eric: Just start stuff!
[0:01:11] Geoff: We're all ready!
[0:01:12] Eric: Eric put the weird mood on it when he was yelling! No, no, that was not me. That was Andrew talking about Penguin Trivia. Listen, here, guys, you can go on HBO Max. You can go on HBO Max, and you can watch the tuxedo. This is not an ad for HBO Max. This is just simply where I found it. You can watch this along with us. We're going to count down 3, 2, 1, go. On go, we're going to hit play, and then you guys can watch along with us. Jeff, do you want to count us down? 3, 2, 1, hit play. There we go. Oh.
[0:01:44] Andrew: It's begun. Oh, DreamWorks. So, fun fact about this. Jackie Chan only made this movie because Steven Spielberg owns DreamWorks, right? And he hated the script, but he's like, I want to work with Spielberg. So, this might be an in for that. Jackie Chan hated all of his American movies, which made me sad. He hated Rush Hour. Why did he hate Rush Hour? He just, he didn't understand all of his American movies. He's like, I don't think these are funny. I don't get this humor. So, like, he made the first, he's like, I made the first one just to test things out. I made the second because they paid me an ungodly amount of money. And I made the third for the fans. Because I don't get people.
[0:02:17] Gavin: Should I be able to hear anything?
[0:02:19] Andrew: It's quiet.
[0:02:20] Eric: I'll turn it up. It's quiet. You can hear me? There you go. Oh. Should be listenable now. It's a pretty waterfall. Yeah. And there's a little bit of water running noise. You hear that?
[0:02:31] Geoff: Jackie Chan, the fucking titles are falling through the water. Oh, that's a beautiful. Deer. That deer's got a white ass. What? This joke. We're opening it with a piss job. Oh. A deer is not very hydrated.
[0:02:51] Gavin: Is that the earliest piss in a Jackie Chan movie?
[0:02:54] Andrew: I think it has to be.
[0:02:56] Gavin: It's definitely the earliest deer.
[0:02:59] Andrew: I don't know if we can confirm that. I feel really confident about the piss. I don't know about the deer. So, this was written by two guys. One of them has only written Ice Age, essentially. He wrote Ice Age Shark Tale in this movie. And the other guy wrote on Happy Days. He was like 62 when he wrote this. So, it's like a great one. Do you think it was like a mentor-mentee type thing? I don't. I feel like one of them probably just did like punch-up joke writing. And I don't know who I'd want to do that role more. Like either the 62-year-old guy or the person that wrote Shark Tale.
[0:03:30] Geoff: Oh, man. Do you guys ever think about like what celebrities are really into piss? No. No.
[0:03:39] Andrew: Literally never. It's never crossed my mind.
[0:03:42] Geoff: I do too. Think about it all the time.
[0:03:44] Andrew: What do you mean? Like they have a general interest in it? Or like as a kink? No.
[0:03:49] Geoff: Or just like weirdos that are in like. Like if you found out that David Spade loved to be pissed on or whatever. And I'm not saying he does. I don't know anything about David Spade.
[0:03:56] Andrew: Would say that Howard Hughes is the most famous piss guy that is like out there.
[0:04:02] Geoff: Yeah. Also, Chuck Berry, right? Was Chuck Berry into piss? I hope I'm not getting that wrong. I don't want to be sued by the estate. But I do feel like allegedly that's something that I read.
[0:04:12] Gavin: Is that libelous to say that someone's a piss guy? A big piss guy?
[0:04:16] Geoff: I mean, not to me. But people are weird. People have got all kinds of hangups.
[0:04:22] Gavin: All of these bottles are in the sea now.
[0:04:26] Geoff: Hey, Andrew, I got a question for you. Yeah, of course. You pulled out that awesome fact about the writers. Have you ever seen Happy Days?
[0:04:33] Andrew: Ah, if I have, it's like maybe one episode randomly. But no, I've never like thought of I'm going to sit down and watch Happy Days.
[0:04:40] Geoff: That might be an option for a future one of these. Just a Happy Days episode? Yeah, just watch a Happy Days episode. Why does it got to be a two-hour movie? Why can't we watch a 30-minute TV show? What?
[0:04:52] Andrew: He's drowning him in a bag. He was already going to suffocate. He was going to show up. What was the... He goes twice as fast. No, there's actually an achievement for this. This is a Hitman thing. This would be dumb in a Hitman game.
[0:05:10] Gavin: He didn't want to wait the extra 25 seconds for him to just suffocate.
[0:05:18] Andrew: Oh my God, this guy died. Why is he drenched in water? I feel like the move was to try to cover up.
[0:05:24] Gavin: I would be thinking more advanced. I'd be like, well, he got hit on the head with an ice cube. The ice cube melted. Oh, he's Jackie.
[0:05:31] Geoff: Do you think that art in the window is in somebody's house and they're like, why the
[0:05:35] Andrew: fuck did I buy this? Can anyone hear any of the actual audio?
[0:05:40] Gavin: Oh, it's the guy from 40-Year-Old Virgin. No, I can't hear anything. Yeah. That's okay. We don't need to.
[0:05:45] Andrew: No, it's fine. I can read it.
[0:05:46] Unidentified: Yeah, we can read. Some of us can read. I heard that. I heard that. Jack?
[0:05:58] Gavin: Oh, it's like doing noise canceling or something. It's like pretty pronounced soul patch there.
[0:06:05] Geoff: He, this was the follow-up to Rush Hour 2.
[0:06:08] Andrew: What year is this made? 2002. How old is Jackie Chan at this point?
[0:06:13] Geoff: Is he, is he Vin Diesel old? I don't know what, what do you mean by Vin Diesel? It's just the, he's, he's how I base all ages.
[0:06:23] Andrew: I don't know what that means.
[0:06:25] Geoff: That's okay.
[0:06:26] Andrew: That was the thing we did, right? That was a bit we did before. Yeah, it was a bit we did a lot of time ago. It's okay. Just tell me how old he is. Do that bit.
[0:06:34] Unidentified: Okay. How old is Jackie Chan? 67.
[0:06:43] Geoff: He's 67 right now.
[0:06:44] Unidentified: Yes.
[0:06:45] Geoff: And this was 2002? This is 2002. Yeah. So that means he was 48 or something. Is that right, Gavin? You're math.
[0:07:01] Unidentified: Yeah.
[0:07:03] Andrew: That was very convincing. Oh, look. If we were in a millionaire scenario and I called you to like confirm, I'd be like, it's A right. I would feel less confident. Like your recommendation.
[0:07:17] Gavin: I was just like, uh, sure.
[0:07:19] Andrew: Yeah.
[0:07:19] Unidentified: Yeah.
[0:07:20] Gavin: I'm just, I'm just wondering why I can't hear anything.
[0:07:23] Andrew: I think it's what we're doing. Do we want to just swap? Stream it? I don't. I mean, I can read it.
[0:07:32] Gavin: Okay. It's just like there's like a noise. It's, it's like canceling the front of every sound. Yeah.
[0:07:38] Andrew: I think it's like, it's, it's purposely blocking this.
[0:07:41] Gavin: Hmm.
[0:07:43] Geoff: Interesting.
[0:07:44] Andrew: I mean, we're early for going to. We either have to commit one way or the other. Also, I feel like he was filling the Jeremy Piven roll. I mean, I think we should hear the movie. I, yeah, I, I, I, I would rather not read the Tuxia.
[0:07:56] Geoff: You guys are fun in foreign films. I bet.
[0:07:59] Andrew: I think he looks younger in this than he did in rush hour.
[0:08:03] Geoff: Oh, he looks, he looks like rush hour. I haven't seen it in a long time. Well, he might've been eating healthier or something. Um, I wonder in America, so angry at American food all the time that you wind. Oh, whoa. What happened?
[0:08:24] Gavin: Could have done with an extra angle there. Don't think three was enough.
[0:08:28] Andrew: It's, I feel like it's really tough to like, if you don't want to do a stunt in a Jackie Chan movie, it's a rare time where Jackie Chan is. What is happening? Why is this escalating?
[0:08:39] Geoff: Uh, cause people in New York are angry. Okay. That's fair.
[0:08:46] Andrew: This seems very unnecessary.
[0:08:48] Gavin: Yeah. This is similar to like the guy at the beginning of Ace Ventura. Just like Hulk roided up dude. Doesn't like cars.
[0:08:58] Unidentified: What's he doing?
[0:09:01] Geoff: I like the idea of Jackie Chan eating at Hooters so much. He has a shirt of it.
[0:09:06] Andrew: Bumble friend. I did.
[0:09:13] Unidentified: I'm not a fucking friend.
[0:09:21] Andrew: This guy isn't even the villain of the movie. He might be the most menacing character and he's just random cyclists that Jackie Chan hits.
[0:09:28] Geoff: Get a tattoo of a chicken.
[0:09:36] Unidentified: I'm going to write that down.
[0:09:38] Geoff: You should. Bottom of the trivia. That could be. Yeah. You should pick out the like line of the movie. Probably. Oh. Let me. Is that a quote? That we just almost saw where his asshole is.
[0:09:50] Gavin: Was his anus in focus there briefly?
[0:09:52] Geoff: I think for almost for like one second.
[0:09:54] Andrew: If only he had a tail, there would be a product we could sell him. I don't think that was a quote. I think they missed that quote.
[0:10:05] Gavin: Is that a Palm Pilot? Was it? I don't know.
[0:10:09] Andrew: I think she's the person I've seen the most but don't know what her name is. I've seen that actress in so many things. Yeah. I feel like I see her all the time. Have you never seen her in a thing before? For sure. I think I can. What else is she in? Entourage?
[0:10:28] Geoff: She's a ton of shit.
[0:10:29] Andrew: She's in like a lot of things I can't name. But she's there.
[0:10:32] Geoff: I feel like she's just always. She like looks kind of like Milla Jovovich. But I think isn't Milla Jovovich, right? Yeah. Milla Jovovich? Yeah. Yeah, Milla Jovovich. I'm glad I didn't step on that landmine. Thanks, Jeff. No problem. I think she might be on like a CSI or something now.
[0:10:56] Andrew: So you bought this the day it came out on DVD, Gavin? So you are.
[0:11:00] Gavin: I was so excited. I had it pre-ordered.
[0:11:01] Andrew: At this point, did you still. You pre-ordered this?
[0:11:05] Geoff: Yeah. Of course I did. There's a dude in Estonia who would love to talk to you.
[0:11:12] Unidentified: What?
[0:11:13] Geoff: You missed that part. It was before you came. Okay.
[0:11:19] Andrew: I want to know. Tell me at what point, if you remember, where you started to doubt this purchase. Maybe it'll never come. Maybe this has aged well.
[0:11:28] Gavin: I do remember when I thought this was a shit movie. Okay. I can't wait. I'll call it out when it happens.
[0:11:32] Geoff: Oh, I'm so excited. At this point, are you still on board? Like you're into it? Oh, yeah. I was still pretty open-minded at this point. I think this is pretty cool so far. A guy. He's driving backwards. He's already been in a funny fight.
[0:11:49] Gavin: A guy got. It wasn't really a fight, though.
[0:11:51] Unidentified: No.
[0:11:54] Gavin: He hid under his cap. He loves a good driving stunt. There was a big driving scene in Who Am I that he did. I think he just likes driving and fighting.
[0:12:08] Andrew: And who am I? What is Who Am I? It's a Jackie Chan movie. I've never seen it. Oh, it's what? How rare is that?
[0:12:14] Gavin: It's probably my favorite one.
[0:12:16] Andrew: Really?
[0:12:17] Geoff: I like that we're watching the tuxedo. Your favorite. You like it more than what is it? Operation Condor?
[0:12:25] Gavin: Which one's that?
[0:12:26] Geoff: That's a Jackie Chan movie. That's another good one.
[0:12:28] Gavin: Yeah. It's like different names.
[0:12:33] Andrew: Oh, yeah. Oh. Speaking of different names. Do you know what this movie is called in Argentina? Fun fact. Trivia. Trivia fact for you. The suit. El smoking.
[0:12:45] Unidentified: Is that me?
[0:12:46] Andrew: I don't know. I have a list. Argentina was El smoking. The French title for this was Le smoking. Croatia smoking. It was either smoking or tuxedo. So I'm guessing maybe smoking is like an interchangeable word for tuxedo. Depending on the language.
[0:13:02] Gavin: A smoking suit?
[0:13:04] Unidentified: I guess. Yeah.
[0:13:11] Andrew: That's actually where all of his power comes from. He can't get rid of that. From his soul patch? Yeah. That's where all of his driving skill. He's like, but I get so many compliments at the Hooters. They won't recognize me. I won't get my discounts. I'd like to think that was just a shirt he wore. It makes me happy to imagine Jackie Chan is a big Hooters guy. Just loves it. Really into chicken wings. Let me say he should get a tattoo of a chicken because it's a throw. It's like, I'll get another discount on Hooters. I love the wings. And he mentioned a chicken.
[0:13:48] Geoff: It's thingy. That was a cool reveal.
[0:13:53] Andrew: Oh.
[0:13:54] Gavin: Malfoy.
[0:13:55] Andrew: Yeah. Jason Isaacs.
[0:13:57] Gavin: Jason Isaacs. I think he was also in Hobbit. I think that's correct.
[0:14:01] Andrew: I think the last time I saw him, what was the, it's a great, the comedy. You recommend it to me, Jeff. It's a Russian, it's a Russian satire movie, but it's not Russian. It's like British. All the actors are British. Jeffrey Tambor is in it.
[0:14:16] Unidentified: Oh. Death of Stalin. He's in Death of Stalin.
[0:14:18] Andrew: Yeah. I think that's the last time I saw him in something. He's great in that. I love that movie. It's a really good movie. It's a very funny movie.
[0:14:23] Gavin: So is Jason Isaacs the villain of the movie?
[0:14:26] Andrew: No, he's like the hero. He's like the James Bond.
[0:14:28] Gavin: Oh, it's his tuxedo.
[0:14:30] Andrew: It's his tuxedo. Oh. He has the tuxedo. I don't know if it's his tuxedo. I don't really under, like, I'm sure they'll elaborate, but I don't remember. The tuxedo is like sentient, right? Like it's moving, not you. It's like you're a puppet in the suit. Yeah.
[0:14:48] Unidentified: It's really weird. Uh-oh.
[0:14:56] Geoff: That was a bad salute.
[0:15:00] Gavin: Jeff's a real salute snob. He doesn't like Dan's salutes either.
[0:15:03] Geoff: I spent five fucking years in the army having to salute properly. So did Dad. It annoys me. He was seven. Well, yeah, listen, I'm not going to get back into the whole damn thing. That was years ago. And it turns out it's an insult to your entire country.
[0:15:20] Gavin: Oh, it's Phoebe's dad from Friends.
[0:15:31] Andrew: That guy, what else is he in? He's in one too.
[0:15:33] Gavin: He's one of the guys I've seen the most without knowing his name. Thanks, Eric.
[0:15:36] Geoff: He's in a million things.
[0:15:38] Andrew: Bob. I want to say he's a Bob, but I can't tell if it's just his face.
[0:15:41] Eric: He looks like a Bob. Isn't he in all of like the, uh, like Mighty Wind and Spinal Tap and all that stuff? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[0:15:49] Gavin: Yeah, Christopher Guest dude.
[0:15:51] Andrew: Bob? He looks like a Bob.
[0:15:53] Gavin: He could be a Bob.
[0:15:54] Andrew: I think he's a Bob. Why don't you look him up? I'm doing it right now. I'm just searching Christopher Guest Bob. See what happens. All the things you could have searched. Uh, it's not. I got Christopher Guest is the first thing that pops up. Bob Balaban. He is a Bob. Oh, wow. That was a good Bob call. That was a great Bob call. I am great at calling my Bobs.
[0:16:19] Gavin: He's probably the most Bob looking Bob that I've seen, but that was still a great Bob call.
[0:16:24] Andrew: So, I'm like a caddy for Bob's. I can just read the room. I can read the Bob's in the room and I can advise you. What was the budget on this film? This was, uh, let me see if I can find that out. It's a big budget movie. The trivia I have. Tuxedo budget.
[0:16:48] Unidentified: 60 million.
[0:16:50] Andrew: Ooh. That's pretty significant. It is. This movie opened up in second the weekend it came out falling to Sweet Home Alabama. Number one at the box office that weekend.
[0:17:02] Geoff: Tough to, tough to go against, uh, against, what's her, Elle Woods at the height of her,
[0:17:08] Andrew: uh, popularity. I was about to say her name and then you said Elle Woods and it fucked me. I said Elle Woods.
[0:17:15] Geoff: I couldn't remember her, her real name.
[0:17:17] Andrew: So I had to say, I know I was about to say her real name though. And then you said that and it threw me off completely.
[0:17:22] Geoff: I was going to say her real name too, but then I did it because I couldn't. But that's not Mila Jovovich. That's somebody else.
[0:17:31] Unidentified: Well, I, I'm, I know. I'm not sure you do.
[0:17:40] Andrew: The person who directed this is the only movie they directed.
[0:17:43] Eric: I, dude, I was about to say the exact same thing. I just hooked this up because I went, this direction's insane.
[0:17:50] Gavin: Yeah. What don't you like about it?
[0:17:52] Eric: They keep showing mouths and they went to a bug store.
[0:17:58] Gavin: Well, that might not be anything to do with the director, the bug store part.
[0:18:01] Eric: I, but like the way they shot the bug store was like they were at a jewelry store, but it was a bug store. It was a store with bugs in it.
[0:18:09] Andrew: I think watching this, you can see like this guy, he was a commercial director. I was up until like 1am last night watching every commercial he had. He has a website.
[0:18:18] Eric: Oh my God.
[0:18:18] Andrew: I watched all of his commercials. He also has a phone number on his site that I texted. Haven't got a reply yet. I was asking if he had any, uh, any stories. We should interview him. It might be a landline.
[0:18:29] Gavin: It could. Do you think he was just used to shooting commercials of people eating stuff? So he kept shooting people's mouths? His commercials. He's like a Tarantino of mouths.
[0:18:39] Geoff: I bet, I bet he insisted on the soul patch. He was probably like, no, the face needs, the mouth area needs more action. We need, we need to see more.
[0:18:48] Gavin: Jackie Chan was like only for two scenes.
[0:18:52] Andrew: The problem is he was a commercial director in the early two thousands and those commercials are just generally fucking insane, but almost all of his work is absurd. It's ridiculous.
[0:19:03] Geoff: I wonder if he'd want to do an interview with us about his experience on this movie and no other movies.
[0:19:08] Eric: Well, there's not, there's no other movie for him to talk about.
[0:19:11] Geoff: No, I want to talk about why he may have no other movies. Tuxedo moves.
[0:19:21] Andrew: So like, what are the logistics? It's pulling him, right? Like he, the tuxedo's doing like the movement of it is so baffling to me.
[0:19:29] Gavin: I like that. I was still on board for the movie at this point.
[0:19:37] Andrew: That's the fucking stupidest. Looks so unnatural. What the hell is it made of? Also, is it the pants or is it only, is it only the top?
[0:19:53] Gavin: It's got to be the pants and shoes. I think it's probably the whole thing, right?
[0:19:55] Eric: I would think it's probably the entire titular tuxedo.
[0:20:00] Gavin: Maybe not the socks.
[0:20:02] Andrew: Well, wait, at what point does the tuxedo end? When does the tuxedo end? I always kind of assume a tuxedo is the upper half.
[0:20:11] Geoff: No, no, no, no. What? That's no.
[0:20:13] Andrew: Is a tuxedo a full outfit?
[0:20:15] Gavin: Yes. If I rented a tux and I got half a tux for the wedding, I'd be pissed.
[0:20:23] Andrew: Here's your black jacket, asshole. Can he zoom out and show the tuxedo? I think that what he's looking at is what I assumed a tuxedo was. I didn't think it went beyond that. I thought it was just that. I didn't know there was anything else. Well, like, no, not the color. Like the whole thing, the suit, like the jacket. I essentially thought a tuxedo was a jacket. I didn't know it was part of the entire outfit.
[0:20:44] Unidentified: Okay. Hey, that scene was edited insanely.
[0:20:50] Andrew: I guess there are pants there. I'd love to ask him about it. This is what happens when you're not a pants guy. I just have no idea what's going on unless it's shorts and a shirt. I don't know. That's interesting.
[0:21:04] Geoff: I wonder if it was just like the guy impressed the right person on a commercial shoot and then then he just realized movies weren't for him. Like, like, he's like, I work better in 30 second increments or whatever. Because, like, I remember early on, like, around, like, season three of Red vs. Blue when we were making that, Bernie and Matt had me direct one episode and then that was it. Never again. They were like, yeah, this was a mistake. We're good. We got this. And I was like, yeah, I agree. It makes sense.
[0:21:30] Unidentified: I'm so happy with doing this. Oh, my God. It's a mission. Why would they have Burger King be their money is the answer. But narratively, why does she decide what shift she works?
[0:22:02] Andrew: Can he only accept missions on certain days? Does she set her schedule? Is the whole Burger King a front?
[0:22:09] Geoff: Yeah. To do it properly, that special agent probably had to apply and get hired at that. Burger King work there long enough to become a shift lead. What? What? What are you talking about? The Burger King.
[0:22:22] Eric: The lady that handed him the pizza. Sorry. No, no, no. You're right. I agree with you. This is what I'm watching is insane. We're going to sell one of these, right?
[0:22:31] Andrew: Aren't we selling them?
[0:22:31] Eric: I like that.
[0:22:32] Gavin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't want to do remote control or anything. They just told that skateboard to follow the giant flashing bomb looking thing.
[0:22:39] Andrew: They told the skateboard to follow the most, like, the closest whopper available. And it's just whoppered in.
[0:22:48] Gavin: I love the idea of sticking that on someone's back. Where do you guys land on Burger King as a restaurant? It's fine. I'm fine with it, to be honest. There's a lot of hatred for it. Yeah, there is. I'll get a whopper down.
[0:23:03] Geoff: I'll get, like, an Angus burger down. I'm perfectly fine. My girlfriend fucking hates it, though.
[0:23:08] Andrew: A Roadhouse King? Pretty good. I'm not a big whopper guy, but I enjoy the Roadhouse.
[0:23:13] Gavin: That was a cool shot. I like a bacon double cheeseburger. Yeah. I enjoyed the camera on the skateboard going under the car there. That was nice.
[0:23:20] Andrew: But this once again kind of feels very commercially to me. Like, all these angles. Yeah. You just got to appreciate the lack of a GoPro. Oh, shit.
[0:23:27] Geoff: We should hire this guy to make the commercial for our robot skateboards we sell. Oh, it was a bomb.
[0:23:39] Andrew: I mean, surely they could have just put it on the car. Why did they? What was the point of that?
[0:23:47] Gavin: Yeah, like, stick the bomb on the car. So, was the thing on the car not a bomb, then? It was just the thing on the skateboard?
[0:23:53] Andrew: The thing on the skateboard was a mechanism to drive the skateboard to the car, I think. And then there was a bomb on top of the mechanism. I think...
[0:24:02] Geoff: No, I think the skateboard was the bomb. Oh, no. And it was magnetically attracted to the mechanism. Like a whole...
[0:24:08] Gavin: Oh, they got his head artery.
[0:24:15] Unidentified: What do you mean... Okay. Walter Strider. That's the link to the bug?
[0:24:27] Gavin: Like the war of Strider?
[0:24:30] Andrew: There's somebody who watched this named Walter Strider. I was like, I didn't find... No! I didn't do this. Dilford?
[0:24:45] Gavin: If I was going to have my name change at death, I would want it to land on Dilford for sure.
[0:24:57] Unidentified: Is he dead? It's a good explosion. Did he kill Jason Isaacs? It was. No, he's not dead.
[0:25:22] Andrew: Why does he care? Why is he involved? Why is he pursuing anything? He's a driver. Like, what is...
[0:25:29] Gavin: I always feel for people doing stunts like that. Like, that was a overall a nothing stunt in the grand scheme of the movie. But I can imagine him having to do that like four or five times. And I bet it hurt on the fifth.
[0:25:40] Geoff: I bet it hurt every fucking time. And then you barely see it.
[0:25:45] Unidentified: Yeah. She actually thought it was a real hospital. She just showed up. Star of the movie.
[0:26:15] Andrew: Did somebody write that? Is that in the script? Can we get the script? I want to know what this character's written words were. Seaway Queen. Banning ink.
[0:26:32] Geoff: Seagulls crying would be a great name for a band.
[0:26:34] Andrew: Can I just call my boat my headquarters? Can I just have a... Like, what's the rule? Is any inflatable a floating headquarters if I want it to be?
[0:26:44] Eric: I think you can call your house your headquarters. Yeah. Like, your room specifically.
[0:26:50] Andrew: That's the Dark Knight guy. That guy.
[0:26:53] Gavin: The Dark Knight guy?
[0:26:54] Andrew: Stormare! It's been our mayor! He's in the... He's the, like, Russian guy in the Dark Knight.
[0:27:00] Geoff: That's not Christian Bale. No.
[0:27:04] Andrew: You know, the guy that is... They, like, light his money on fire. Tom Hardy? The guy on top of it. Yeah, no. The other one.
[0:27:12] Geoff: Gavin, I would pay good money to see you have that haircut.
[0:27:16] Gavin: I think I...
[0:27:17] Geoff: I think I've had that haircut.
[0:27:19] Gavin: I'm going to whip you up a picture. This is... Now, this is the first scene that we've seen so far that I remember. I remember this guy, like, dissolving or something.
[0:27:30] Andrew: He dissolves? Doesn't he? Doesn't he, like, turn into a mummy? I don't know! I watched this when I was, like, eight in a van. I don't remember this, but I'm excited.
[0:27:39] Gavin: Yeah, I'm pretty sure he, like, gets so thirsty he crumbles to dust.
[0:27:44] Geoff: He dusts? Can I ask you a question? Of course. Is all this because of deer piss?
[0:27:51] Andrew: Run this something along the way. I don't think we can rule out that it isn't. I don't think they've established that it's not. I don't think it is, but I can't say it's not. Okay.
[0:28:03] Gavin: Oh, he's looking up.
[0:28:03] Andrew: Oh, Jesus Christ. He is dusting.
[0:28:14] Unidentified: Peter Stormare is such a great mad scientist.
[0:28:17] Geoff: He's great at everything.
[0:28:19] Gavin: This is quite a lot of hair for a Stormare appearance.
[0:28:21] Geoff: It is. He was, uh, he played the devil in Constantine. It was, like, the coolest fucking devil ever.
[0:28:27] Gavin: Oh, yeah.
[0:28:31] Geoff: That had a similar scene, didn't it? Like, a guy drowning, but he couldn't drink or something? Something like that, yeah.
[0:28:35] Unidentified: Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, fuck.
[0:28:40] Gavin: Well, that's not what you want.
[0:28:41] Unidentified: He did get dusted.
[0:28:42] Andrew: What the fuck? Oh, Jesus Christ.
[0:28:49] Gavin: That's like a PG Jackie Chan movie. He snapped the guy's hand down the lengthways. So you don't remember that?
[0:28:58] Unidentified: No.
[0:28:59] Geoff: I don't.
[0:29:01] Gavin: Was that George Stephanopoulos?
[0:29:03] Geoff: He's got famous names, Springsteen, Steinbrenner, Stephanopoulos. Strider.
[0:29:10] Andrew: What if this whole movie was him never actually figuring out what he was supposed to look for? This is the pursuit of Walter Strider.
[0:29:21] Gavin: So, the idea there that guy was making a brand of water that makes people thirsty. Is that right? Is that what he was going for?
[0:29:28] Andrew: But, well, I guess, yeah. And at the extreme, you would eventually die from it. Right? I don't know if he's trying to sell his water or kill people. No, I think he's killing people. I think killing people is the goal.
[0:29:40] Gavin: Okay. Maybe this is the story of Dasani.
[0:29:45] Andrew: This is what the Walmart people want to do. They get the reservoir or whatever.
[0:29:50] Gavin: Oh, montage.
[0:29:51] Andrew: What? Oh, it does its own pants up. I really like the idea that he saw Back to the Future and was like, no, guys, listen. We don't need to stop at the shoes. Hear me out.
[0:30:01] Gavin: I still thought this was a good movie. What the fuck?
[0:30:05] Andrew: I mean, I don't hate this. Ow!
[0:30:10] Geoff: I would buy this product. Did he just get pricked with a million internal needles? I think shocked. I don't know if they pricked him. Oh.
[0:30:18] Gavin: They were pretty straight shocked. That explains how it can control his fingers and stuff.
[0:30:22] Andrew: Yeah. This is actually terrifying. Very well, as soon as you put this tuxedo on.
[0:30:28] Geoff: It's like Dr. Ock. Do you think the name for the movie came before the plot? Like, somebody said, Tuck.
[0:30:35] Unidentified: Tactical.
[0:30:35] Geoff: And they came up with the acronym. They're like, we should make a fucking movie about that.
[0:30:38] Andrew: That's a James Bond shit.
[0:30:40] Geoff: Yeah.
[0:30:40] Andrew: I think somebody at DreamWorks was looking through a list of titles they already had the rights to and then had to write around that.
[0:30:50] Gavin: He's in demolition mode.
[0:30:54] Andrew: Did demolition mode mean something else in 2002? Because this is not a pre-programmed routine.
[0:31:08] Gavin: This was the day they couldn't afford to fly the stunt team over.
[0:31:14] Andrew: Oh. How fast was that ball? Was yours faster, Jeff? You think you could out-
[0:31:18] Geoff: Yeah, that was a slow throw. Also, it wouldn't be him throwing, it'd be the suit, so it wouldn't count. That's true.
[0:31:28] Unidentified: Also, wait till I solve this spinal arthritis and then I'm going to be throwing heat.
[0:31:38] Andrew: Shit. I like that the government suit has a shake booty. Like, out of all the things they could have named it, they settled on that. I want to be in the group meeting. Oh, one sec. I got to- He's got to go get his FedEx. Yeah, we'll just-
[0:31:50] Geoff: Yeah, he'll come back.
[0:31:51] Andrew: We can recap him.
[0:31:52] Geoff: Is he- So he's got this thing dialed up to 10, right? Like, if he did- If he rolled it back to, like, 6, would he do a less enthusiastic, like, normal dance?
[0:32:01] Andrew: I- To what range? Well, yeah, like, what is the-
[0:32:06] Geoff: Because it seems like it's just on max.
[0:32:09] Andrew: I don't- Have they established that there are different ranges? I don't know, man, but who wants to ever dance like that? Like, to that degree. Whoever owns that suit, I guess, or whoever made it, whatever, the CWA, or whatever their fake agency is. CSA.
[0:32:24] Unidentified: That's close. Is this Jennifer Love Hewitt at her peak, or is this, like, right before it?
[0:32:35] Geoff: Um, she was on top of the world there from, like, I know what you did last summer, all the way up until she had that show, where she was, like, the jack-off masseuse, right?
[0:32:47] Andrew: Was that pre- or pre- or after the, uh, the ghost one? She was- The ghost whisperer 2. I don't know what order they came in. I think was- I think the- I think that was after. Or was it both? Was she a jerk-off massage person who also spoke the ghosts? It's a multi-hyphenate.
[0:33:08] Geoff: Yeah, they learned in season 3. It really- I would also say that- I think that she's one of those people that, like, is probably still, like, as famous as ever, right? And so, like, it's still kind of at her peak. Like, I think she still works whenever she wants to.
[0:33:26] Unidentified: What was the- What was the- He said, nice rack.
[0:33:30] Andrew: Oh, great.
[0:33:32] Geoff: She punched him. But it wasn't him. It was probably the suit. Or it was the deer piss talking.
[0:33:35] Andrew: We can't- It's the deer piss. But deer actually has top billing on IMDb.
[0:33:45] Eric: Gavin, are you still in at this point? No, he's gone.
[0:33:49] Geoff: He went to sign for his FedEx package. What he forgot to mention was that it's not at his house. He has to take an Uber to FedEx. This is all an elaborate scheme by Gavin to just make us watch the tuxedo. He's on his way to eat dinner right now. Meg was texting him the reservation time. He's being seated for sushi.
[0:34:13] Unidentified: That's a nice car, though. It is. And, you know, it's a nice tuxedo. They did a good job with that.
[0:34:27] Geoff: You think- Where- So, what do you think a tuxedo is now? Have you changed your opinion?
[0:34:34] Andrew: Now, yeah. Now I understand it's the pants as well. Before, I thought it was just everything above the pants. Do you think it's also the shirt? Yeah, the shirt. I assumed it was the shirt and the coat. The jacket was what a tuxedo would be.
[0:34:47] Geoff: Cumberbun, if there is one, and, uh, yeah. Have you ever- Have you ever worn a tuxedo, Andrew?
[0:34:54] Andrew: No. Uh, yes. When I was, like, five. I was the ring bearer to a wedding, and I think I wore a tux and that.
[0:35:02] Geoff: Fucking- The only one that I've ever worn was, uh, our friend Gus Sorolla. When he got married, he, as a- Just to be a dick, he made all of his groomsmen wear powder blue, ruffly tuxedos.
[0:35:14] Andrew: So, all right. Yeah.
[0:35:16] Geoff: Oh, you didn't pause it.
[0:35:18] Andrew: What- Were we supposed to?
[0:35:20] Gavin: Yeah, were we supposed to pause it? Well, my FedEx thing was there. I thought you'd pause it for a second. What- What happened? Why would we pause it?
[0:35:28] Andrew: Why would we pause this?
[0:35:30] Eric: It's a watch alone. We had a whole thing. We had to figure out how we were starting it back up earlier. Yeah, dude.
[0:35:35] Geoff: Also, we were pretty sure that this was all a ploy to get us to watch the movie while you went and had sushi with Meg.
[0:35:42] Eric: Yeah.
[0:35:42] Geoff: Oh, no. Oh.
[0:35:44] Gavin: Oh, I might have missed the bit where I thought it was the worst.
[0:35:47] Eric: Oh, that's what I asked. I asked, like, and you were gone. I said, are you still in at this point?
[0:35:52] Andrew: So, he called her, and she's like, stop using that accent to who she thought was Jason Isaacs. Then Jackie Chan said a woman has a nice rack and got punched. And then he drove over here is all you've missed. Okay. Yeah, you didn't miss much. No. Like, essentially nothing has happened. He's got- I just want them to go through and show everything that they could do. I want every setting. You think this is the inspiration for the Apple Watch? They saw this?
[0:36:17] Geoff: Wasn't this, like, a Blumhouse movie recently or A24 or one of those?
[0:36:23] Andrew: The Tuxedo? Like, what do you mean? Like, a watch?
[0:36:24] Geoff: No, like, some dude who had, like, a super body. He almost died, and then they controlled, and then he could do shit. Upgrade, yeah.
[0:36:32] Gavin: I like this is also just a preset in the thing, like, specifically rifle cleaning mode.
[0:36:38] Andrew: I also feel like it would be cooler to just watch him do it than what they just did. Like, that was the lamest version of that action.
[0:36:45] Unidentified: I agree. What is it? It's a- what is it? It's a gun? Or it's a camera?
[0:36:56] Andrew: No, it's a gun. Okay. That was funny. That was really funny. The way the camera flipped, it looked like he was falling upwards. It's such a weird edit.
[0:37:07] Eric: Rifle tricks! Rifle tricks! Rifle tricks! Rifle tricks!
[0:37:12] Andrew: Should've been called that in Argentina. He's got no concept of what these things do. He's got no concept of what's going on. Rifle tricks!
[0:37:33] Gavin: Should've been called that in Argentina.
[0:37:39] Unidentified: Oh. Is that true? That's that-
[0:37:46] Andrew: I can look at how much bottled water was consumed in 2001.
[0:37:49] Gavin: If I was, like, the first person on Earth and I was just looking at all the water, I wouldn't think, like, that's where the value is. Storing it.
[0:37:59] Unidentified: How much-
[0:38:08] Eric: Jackie Chan standing there with a tuxedo and a rifle is very funny.
[0:38:15] Gavin: Did that guy die then? The guy that got hit in the head?
[0:38:18] Geoff: I believe so, yeah. It was a funny trick.
[0:38:20] Gavin: Is this the highest body count Jackie Chan movie?
[0:38:29] Andrew: I like that he had no reaction to it. He's a taxi driver. He just killed a guy. He had no, like, moral impact on him.
[0:38:41] Gavin: Man, he should be feeling lucky that he's not drowning in a bag right now. Was he on wires there? No. He could really do all that.
[0:38:50] Unidentified: I would have thought so. That is awesome. That is very cool. Dude.
[0:38:59] Geoff: Jackie Chan, at this point, we determined earlier, is 48, I believe. I am 46. I can't ride a bicycle anymore. That motherfucker. God damn.
[0:39:16] Andrew: I feel like this movie should have more of Jackie Chan just being like, what the fuck am I doing? Because, like, this isn't him.
[0:39:23] Gavin: I mean, there's moments of that. That last bit where he was against the pipe, his face was like, what's going on?
[0:39:28] Andrew: But he kind of has, like, a playful, like, confidence, because he's Jackie Chan, where if I was in this scenario, I'd just be screaming the entire time. My body did all the actions. There would be no shit.
[0:39:46] Unidentified: 62-year-old wrote that.
[0:39:48] Andrew: Is that where they lost you, Gavin? No, I'm still in, I think. It's still in. Well, when you have a pre-order, it's really tough to, like, it really has to fall to be like, this was, this didn't go away.
[0:40:00] Gavin: Jackie Chan's the king of, like, prop fighting. There's always, like, someone's jacket or a rope or, like, through a car.
[0:40:07] Andrew: Did you see Skip Trace?
[0:40:10] Gavin: No.
[0:40:11] Andrew: Skip Trace is the movie he made with Johnny Knoxville. Only good thing about it is the prop fighting. He's got this great scene where he's holding, like, a Russian doll, and every time it gets punched, it gets smaller until he's just, like, holding this really tiny thing. It's a really great visual gag.
[0:40:25] Geoff: Johnny Knoxville might be the guy who I like the most and I want to see succeed in film the most, who continually makes the worst movies.
[0:40:32] Andrew: You say that about, like, succeeding? I thought, I was like, oh, nobody saw Skip Trace. It made $1,000 in the domestic box office and made $132 million worldwide. It was a massive hit. Quick, rifle tricks!
[0:40:46] Geoff: Rifle tricks! Shake your booty!
[0:40:49] Unidentified: Shake booty!
[0:40:54] Andrew: What is this? Is this default? The suit just does this? Okay.
[0:40:59] Eric: What was on his hand? What is that?
[0:41:01] Andrew: Is it, like, goo? Oh, it's, like, a...
[0:41:04] Eric: Oh.
[0:41:05] Andrew: Oh, the suit, I think, shot that out. It's a magnet. He's Spider-Man.
[0:41:09] Geoff: He's Spider-Man now, yeah.
[0:41:13] Gavin: Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Dude, imagine a Jackie Chan Spider-Man in the 70s. It's sick. Oh. Spider-Chan. He would have hated it.
[0:41:22] Unidentified: Oh, my God. He could, I bet he could still do it.
[0:41:32] Andrew: All he wanted to do was serious dramas, which makes his career really funny in America. He's like, I just want to make a movie like Kramer vs. Kramer, and they won't let me.
[0:41:41] Geoff: Have you ever seen his, like, original martial arts movies, like Drunken Master and stuff?
[0:41:46] Andrew: I've seen a few of them as a kid, yeah. But not in a long time. So good. Even then.
[0:41:50] Gavin: Yeah, I feel like I haven't seen, like, his super old stuff. I've probably seen from, like, Police Story onwards.
[0:41:57] Geoff: They used to, um... There was, like, when I was a kid, there was on the... I was going to say it was the USA channel. They would have, like, Sunday morning kung fu theater. And they would have, like, three kung fu movies back-to-back, and he was always one of them. Oh, is he going to get the owie hands?
[0:42:14] Unidentified: Oh, he's going to get owie hands at the bottom. Oh, there's no owie. It's the tuxedo.
[0:42:26] Andrew: That was a little bit. Would you say that was the weakest of his owie hand performances?
[0:42:31] Gavin: Well, maybe it's because you're expecting it, and then there's no owie hands because of the amazing tuxedo.
[0:42:38] Andrew: So, like, once again, does he know how to do this? Is this the tuxedo? Is this the thing? I think this might be him. I think this is all him. I bet you 90% of the people that own Hooters shirts can also do this. I think it's a weird cross-section.
[0:42:52] Gavin: You should have just scrolled to shadow tricks instead of rifle tricks. Has Jackie Chan ever fought so many inanimate objects in one movie? It's like a building decided to attack him.
[0:43:14] Unidentified: How far into this are we?
[0:43:18] Geoff: We're halfway. Wow. I feel like nothing has happened. Gavin is still in at this point. Hold on.
[0:43:27] Unidentified: Hold on. Getting flashbacks when I was younger.
[0:43:36] Gavin: Hold on. Hold on. And this movie sucks. I was out from that point.
[0:43:56] Geoff: After you have that moment, and then you, I guess, finish the film, what do you do with the DVD you just saved up to buy and pre-order?
[0:44:05] Gavin: I bet it was, like, 18 quid as well back then.
[0:44:07] Geoff: Yeah. Did you, like, does it go in a drawer or do you return it?
[0:44:12] Gavin: I probably just, I think I put it on the shelf. That's probably it. Yeah.
[0:44:17] Geoff: Is this how you felt when you watched the number 23?
[0:44:19] Gavin: I watched that at your house, so you paid for it.
[0:44:26] Geoff: Were you excited about the number 23? He loves, he really loves, I can't think of his name either. Jim Carrey. The arthritis is, it's getting into my brain. He loves Jim Carrey and had never seen a bad Jim Carrey film. And I was like, I've seen one. And so he was like, it's not possible. And so we had a whole conversation about it. So then I rented it so he could see it. And then he got to see. And then you convinced me that Ace Ventura 2 was also a bad one.
[0:44:57] Unidentified: It is. Yep. So if he went to court for something he did in the tuxedo and the tuxedo did it,
[0:45:08] Andrew: is he still liable? Could he use the tuxedo as a defense? I think it's like. Could you put it in lawyer mode?
[0:45:16] Eric: I mean, I would think it. Never mind. Gavin's right.
[0:45:21] Geoff: That's way. That was way funnier and more appropriate than all the political jokes I was about to make. So thank you.
[0:45:39] Gavin: I feel like I haven't seen her in a lot of movies.
[0:45:42] Geoff: Who? Jennifer Love Hewitt? Yeah. While you were away, we had a whole thing about her career.
[0:45:47] Eric: It's been a ton of stuff. I think she has like a few kids now. So she probably just, you know, raising kids.
[0:45:55] Geoff: She was famous for getting engaged and breaking off engagements to people. What, just getting rings? I guess so. Yeah. She did that a lot. I think she was the one. I also, from everything I remember, there was a guy on the Howard Stern show that was engaged to her for a while. I think she always wore the pants in the family. I think she was the, oh my lord, tended to do the engaging.
[0:46:21] Andrew: She was in the Ghost Whisperer from 2005 through 2010. It's a great business to be in. There's never, like, if you can whisper to ghosts, what a great industry. There's never going to stop being ghosts. Yeah, every day, new ghosts.
[0:46:41] Geoff: Let's see what she's done recently. Dude, they should bring that show back and do like Ghost Whisperer COVID days.
[0:46:47] Andrew: I feel like Ghost Whisperer would just be an ASMR channel now.
[0:47:00] Eric: I just went to her Instagram and she has a post from November 23rd saying, it was such an honor to be a part of this movie. My kids are so proud of me. Please check it out. They bark, they bite, they booby trap. Burglars beware. And it's a movie called Pups Alone starring Danny Trejo and Malcolm McDowell.
[0:47:24] Gavin: Oh, Andrew's immediately in.
[0:47:25] Andrew: Oh, okay. Thank you for bringing up Trejo. The guy that directed this made a pilot called What Would Trejo Do? In 2017, it is horrendous. One of the worst things I've ever seen. What would he do? It is very weird. Well, what's weird is he's the one saying it. Like, something would happen. Like, he's getting arrested and he's like, it's times like these, I would say. What would Danny do? I know what Machete would do, but what would I do? And then he does the thing that he would do. It makes no sense. It's terrible. Where did you watch this? It's, I found the director has a, uh, oh, what's the, it's not YouTube. It's like a Vimeo, I think. Is it Vimeo is on? Yeah. I don't know. We should watch that. It is so bad.
[0:48:09] Geoff: Do you, let me ask you a question. We're now halfway through this steaming pile of film. Uh, would you say this is something we're going to do again in the future?
[0:48:19] Andrew: I, I mean, I'm, I wouldn't be opposed. This is fun.
[0:48:22] Geoff: I'm sorry. I like watching movies. I'm sure we're enjoying it too. Well, I think, I think that we, uh, once again, uh, you know, I'm, I'm all up on the happy days front, but I think watching a Danny Trejo pilot sounds like an awesome idea.
[0:48:34] Andrew: I don't, uh, like, hmm, I don't know. Maybe. Like, yes. You suggested it. I know I suggested, I didn't suggest it for content. I don't know if it's content.
[0:48:45] Gavin: Andrew, Andrew's iffy on Trejo, I feel like, because you did say he never, he never escalates anything he's in, or he never, what were you saying? What was your phrase?
[0:48:53] Andrew: No, he's, he's very likable, but I don't feel like you're ever excited that he's in it. But he's good.
[0:48:57] Geoff: Are you, are we keying in? Are you feuding with Danny Trejo right now? Do you guys have faith?
[0:49:02] Andrew: No, I, no, I love Danny. It's either I, it's Peter Stormare or Danny Trejo in my life. You don't sound like you love him. Sounds like you're pretty disappointed. He just got re-added to Far Cry 6. I have no issue with Danny Trejo. I feel like they've really loaded in on, like, Jesus Christ. Oh my God.
[0:49:19] Gavin: All these gormous dudes just stared at her ass and tits every 10 seconds.
[0:49:23] Andrew: Terrible. I don't like it.
[0:49:28] Gavin: And she was engaged to all of them.
[0:49:31] Geoff: And she broke it off with all of them.
[0:49:33] Andrew: James Brown. Oh, it's James Brown. His last film appearance. The Godfather of Soul.
[0:49:39] Geoff: James Brown, one of the funniest interviews of all time. Really? Oh my God. Go back and watch any of his classic, like, CNN stuff. Losing his mind. Being fucking on another planet. Like, people just having no concept of what he's talking about. He was awesome.
[0:49:56] Eric: He's just a guy. He's just got a lot to say, but you don't know what it is. And he's just going to, boy, he's going to say it.
[0:50:03] Geoff: And he's going to say it enthusiastically.
[0:50:12] Unidentified: Oh, come on. Oh my God.
[0:50:18] Andrew: He also. James Brown in a commercial with Danny Trejo. I think the greatest commercial of all time. What's the commercial for? It was a car commercial with Clive Owen. And it's about James Brown made a deal with the devil to become famous. And the devil's played by Gary Oldman. And Clive Owen and James Brown raced the devil played by Gary Oldman and Danny Trejo to make him young again. And if not, then he, like, forfeits his soul forever.
[0:50:44] Geoff: That is a star-studded AAA commercial.
[0:50:48] Andrew: It's great. It's like early 2000s. It's fantastic.
[0:50:51] Geoff: Didn't that when James... I'm going to guess Eric's going to know about this. When James Brown died, wasn't there, like, a thing where they were fighting over his body and so he didn't get buried for, like, six months or something?
[0:51:03] Eric: What? Oh, wow. I totally forgot about that. Oh, mouth shut. Or maybe more than a year. Let me look it up.
[0:51:12] Gavin: Didn't he get arrested a ton of times? Wasn't he just, like, basically a criminal?
[0:51:17] Geoff: Well, I mean, he was a goddamn national treasure is what he was. I don't know about that. I don't know if the law applied to him. I also don't know much about his personal life, so if he was a monster, I...
[0:51:27] Eric: July 24th. July 24th of this year. Family of James Brown settles 15-year battle over his estate. So it was a little more than six months. Okay. James Brown's body cut up for paternity test. Relocated several times. Holy shit. That's insane.
[0:51:52] Gavin: I can see why he hated his American movie.
[0:52:01] Andrew: This also doesn't work. Like, if you went to see James Brown, and even if the performance is great, this isn't James Brown. Like, this is... I'd be pissed.
[0:52:12] Eric: The government programmed it to do this? This is weirdly the rifle tricks function.
[0:52:19] Geoff: Also, Jackie Chan, at this point, is a huge global star. He read the script and agreed to do this. Like, he knew this was coming.
[0:52:33] Andrew: As I said, this is how much you wanted to work with Spielberg. He's like, I didn't like this movie from the beginning, but I felt this was an in with him. This was a DreamWorks movie. I'll say this, too.
[0:52:44] Geoff: Obviously, a true fucking professional, because he is putting on a show. I don't think he ever half-assed anything. I agree. I don't think he's ever half-assed anything in his career.
[0:52:54] Gavin: You can never tell by watching him. Like, this looks like his favorite movie right now.
[0:52:58] Andrew: So, the guy trying to end the world just goes to a James Brown show, because he likes to? Why is he there? Why? This scene is way too long. Why is this still going? Why are we still here?
[0:53:21] Eric: This scene's for Jeff.
[0:53:22] Gavin: The Reds wanted to use every single frame of this ass scene that they shot.
[0:53:26] Geoff: That's a lot of, there's a lot of Jackie Chan ass in this movie.
[0:53:33] Andrew: Remember when you think that? That's Jackie Chan, right? He wouldn't use a body double. Does all his own stunts. No, it's 100% Jackie Chan. Yeah.
[0:53:42] Gavin: I like the idea of him never using a stuntman for all of his fights, but he gets like a butt double.
[0:53:47] Geoff: Well, you know also he's got to have a great ass, right? After an entire lifetime of the workouts that he does, the shape he's in, he's got to have buns of steel. Oh, he's got some boobs.
[0:54:00] Andrew: I'd love to know how much they paid James Brown for that role. I do not. Probably more than Jackie Chan. Was there a list of people that could have been? Like, how did they settle on James Brown? Why James Brown? I want to know the full list of possible candidates.
[0:54:20] Unidentified: Excuse me? What? It's a code word? It's a play. It's like an NFL play. It was the equivalent of like yelling Omaha at the line, Jeff. Oh, okay. Got it. That lady's got a lot of teeth.
[0:54:40] Andrew: Would you say an above average number of teeth? It's just, they're very prominent. I've never looked at someone and said they have a lot of teeth.
[0:54:51] Geoff: No? No. I could introduce you to some people from my past. I've met some people with teeth before, man. Like just a lot of them or just very prominent? All kinds. A lot of them prominent. Like, I knew a lady with shark teeth.
[0:55:06] Gavin: She had like 80 teeth and they were tiny. Wait, wait. This freaking suit. It's not even some mashed potatoes.
[0:55:11] Andrew: Yeah, he's got mashed potatoes right next to it.
[0:55:14] Gavin: Yeah, but it's in like the same list as like smash the room up. It's like this thing, these folders or something or subbeds. It's an organizational mess.
[0:55:23] Unidentified: A 92 Dasani.
[0:55:24] Geoff: Dasani, she could correctly identify the brand and year of water.
[0:55:38] Gavin: The worst X-Men ability. I bet I could pull out Dasani from other wars.
[0:55:43] Andrew: Oh, I could definitely taste it. I couldn't tell you the year.
[0:55:45] Geoff: Yeah, you could taste the fucking, you could taste the fucking gross oil film. Dasani sucks. I, no, I enjoy it. It's like water, it's like water with a hint of motor oil. It's a very aggressive water take. I feel very strongly about Dasani and I have for a long time.
[0:56:06] Gavin: I think it was banned in England for some reason.
[0:56:14] Andrew: Probably because of the fossil fuels. Has he done anything since this movie started to advance his plan? Like, he killed the one guy. Like, what has he done? He's just hanging out at this concert.
[0:56:32] Unidentified: Well, that's what, that's what leaders do, right? They hire the right people and delegate. So they can focus on the bigger picture. Aw. Dang it.
[0:57:04] Geoff: Does that mean he had input on that plan? He signed up.
[0:57:08] Andrew: He probably had to approve the purchase order. What, what other bums do they have? Do they have a jet ski bomb? Do they, like, the implicate, the phrasing of it is they have multiple types of bombs for vehicles.
[0:57:20] Gavin: I want to talk to this woman about the casting of this movie. Wait, she gets called a vacuous and rancid tart.
[0:57:27] Unidentified: It's pretty extreme. I'm not sure what she's getting at there. He's still just thinking about Walter Strider. Trying to get to the bottom of this. Wait, they just left? They found, what?
[0:57:55] Geoff: What? Yeah, they found out she's CSA and he owns a BMW and they were like, we gotta go.
[0:58:01] Andrew: There's, okay. I feel like that's classic, like, the henchmen capture them at this point. Like, something, they don't just leave the restaurant. How are you gonna capture the suit? It's a great point. That's true. I really hope we see mashed potato mode.
[0:58:29] Unidentified: Oh, is he going up the outside? Why?
[0:58:33] Gavin: I don't know.
[0:58:35] Geoff: Why is she walking alone by the pool at night?
[0:58:40] Gavin: And in slow-mo.
[0:58:44] Geoff: Is that how you would have filmed it?
[0:58:46] Gavin: I would have had her in focus a bit more, probably. I mean, I know that we're going for a pool of focus, but it was too soon.
[0:58:54] Geoff: So fucking critical.
[0:59:02] Unidentified: Jesus, what was that? He's got super fast search.
[0:59:13] Geoff: Oh, that was amazing. How the fuck is she gonna control the bubble size?
[0:59:17] Andrew: Yeah, I was gonna say, I've never, I don't think bubble preference is a thing.
[0:59:22] Unidentified: I think it was supposed to be innuendo, but I don't know in what way.
[0:59:41] Andrew: I said it jokingly at the beginning of the movie. I truly do believe the most medicine character has been the guy Jackie Chan accidentally hit with the bike guy in the beginning. We have never peaked that level of intimidation.
[0:59:52] Unidentified: I wonder what else that guy's been in and done. I don't even know.
[1:00:03] Andrew: Let's see if I can find him.
[1:00:04] Gavin: That's a weird foot. Like, the fourth toe was long. Usually it's like the second one or the big one.
[1:00:10] Andrew: I don't know what you want, Gavin. You're saying they're being too aggressive with her looks, and then you come for her feet as soon as they're revealed. You immediately have a negative feet text.
[1:00:18] Gavin: I could have just done without that close-up, I'll be honest.
[1:00:20] Andrew: I agree with the close-up. I'm not a foot guy.
[1:00:23] Unidentified: No, I'm not either.
[1:00:32] Geoff: I'm powerless without this tuxedo. What if you only lose half? Can you fuck better in the tuxedo? Depends on what mode is it. Yeah, what mode? What would they call that mode? Maybe that's what mashed potato is.
[1:00:50] Andrew: Oh, no.
[1:00:52] Gavin: It would just be pussy demolition. Gross.
[1:00:56] Geoff: Oh! Oh, no. I think you're going to regret saying that later. Absolutely.
[1:01:02] Unidentified: I agree with you. Oh, shit. Why?
[1:01:11] Geoff: It's like suddenly this movie turned into true romance. Oh, my lord.
[1:01:18] Andrew: Nothing is taking a beating in this movie like inanimate objects. Once again. Getting slammed. Oh, no. They'll fall into the pool. He has got a whole handful of tit there. Good lord.
[1:01:33] Unidentified: Oh, wipe. How unnecessary. Oh, that's cute. Jesus. The things I'm going to do to meet Spielberg.
[1:01:49] Gavin: Did he ever like work with, was he ever in like a Spielberg movie?
[1:01:55] Andrew: I don't think so. He just really wanted to meet him.
[1:02:01] Gavin: Something funny about trying to kick a door open and your foot goes straight through it. It's more anus shots.
[1:02:10] Geoff: Yeah. That was his work, right? He's like, I'll be in the movie, but I really want to show off my tush. That bit was cool.
[1:02:17] Eric: Andrew, did you see pants only defense mode?
[1:02:20] Geoff: Yeah. What movie has that guy ever been menacing?
[1:02:29] Andrew: Dawn of the Dead. He was in that movie. I recognize him. Yeah, he wasn't menacing. No, he wasn't menacing.
[1:02:35] Unidentified: The classic fighting while getting dressed. That Tucky Chad's amazing. Doesn't it button itself up? It does. Nice. Great sound effects in this movie.
[1:03:04] Andrew: I'll give it that.
[1:03:08] Unidentified: What's that?
[1:03:12] Geoff: So you're definitely back in at this point, right?
[1:03:14] Unidentified: Absolutely. I don't see how you couldn't be.
[1:03:22] Geoff: Maybe you just at your age couldn't appreciate it on the level that we can as adults now.
[1:03:31] Gavin: I mean, I feel like you can, a bad Jackie Chan movie, you just enjoy as like a selection of scenes. Like, I liked that fight that we just watched.
[1:03:38] Andrew: That was a good fight. I mean, just accidentally killed that guy. Oh wait, is he going to save him?
[1:03:45] Gavin: No, he's landing in the water.
[1:03:47] Andrew: Oh yeah, I forgot water's fine. We landed on the other dude. Oh my God.
[1:03:51] Unidentified: Oh my God. I'm both dead.
[1:03:54] Geoff: Hey, fucking Christ.
[1:03:56] Unidentified: What a shitty way to die. The Emperor. She just lucked herself out. Emperor to come back. She thinks he's the Emperor. Oof. Oof. Oof. What if that was just an unnecessary bone stick it out? I don't know who any of these people are. These two people? It's Jackie Chan.
[1:05:02] Unidentified: Mm-hmm. Diarrhea. Oh. What? Oh! What?
[1:05:38] Gavin: I assume at this point when I was a kid, I was just hanging in there for the outtakes.
[1:05:41] Andrew: Yeah. No, absolutely. At this point, you know they're going to deliver. Do you guys have trouble sleeping too?
[1:05:49] Unidentified: I mean, no.
[1:05:51] Geoff: I do. I couldn't sleep last night. I guess I'm a lot more like Jackie Chan than I realized.
[1:06:02] Unidentified: How do you think they felt?
[1:06:14] Andrew: Like, let's say, I know movies don't shoot this way. Let's just assume they're shooting this in chronological order. How do you think they feel about the movie at this point? Yeah, like at what point were they like, ugh. Oh, boy. Did they ever know? I wonder if they still like, actually, let me go on the director's webpage. Called it a kung fu classic, I believe. So, I don't think.
[1:06:37] Geoff: A classic? I believe so. I wonder how many people find out their movie is bad on opening night. You surely must know in the edit.
[1:06:49] Unidentified: I don't know. You would assume. Wait. Is she bad? Or was she good?
[1:07:04] Andrew: I don't know who she is. She's a good guy, right? Or is she a bad guy? She's a good guy.
[1:07:11] Geoff: Is she in Zoolander?
[1:07:13] Andrew: Yeah. That's the thing.
[1:07:16] Unidentified: She's in.
[1:07:17] Geoff: Yeah.
[1:07:20] Unidentified: She's Will Ferrell, I think. Yeah. Did he just photocopy that? That was awesome. It's really disappointing they never let him just do a dramatic movie.
[1:07:38] Andrew: He did at some point, right?
[1:07:40] Gavin: Well, that's what The Foreigner was.
[1:07:42] Andrew: Yeah. But it's still an action movie. Like, I don't want any action.
[1:07:45] Gavin: You don't want it to fight?
[1:07:46] Andrew: I want you to take away everything that makes Jackie Chan, Jackie Chan. Let him do that.
[1:07:55] Unidentified: He just needs his Philadelphia. He does. Yeah.
[1:08:01] Andrew: He can flip, like, pancakes in a cool way. I don't know. There's a way to, like, add some stunts to a family drama.
[1:08:08] Gavin: They couldn't have put those in a Peli case?
[1:08:10] Geoff: You know, he didn't do... He didn't do a lot of karate in the Karate Kid remake. He was more of the mentor.
[1:08:20] Unidentified: That's true. Leaving it up to the kids. That was pretty good. How much do you think they paid for this song?
[1:08:33] Andrew: Can we use this? Could this be our theme song if we wanted? I feel like this is public. I don't want it. I'm just...
[1:08:40] Unidentified: It's available, I assume.
[1:08:45] Geoff: If we could have a theme song that we paid for, I would want it to be Jackie Chan singing...
[1:08:50] Andrew: He has 13 albums. We could get some Jackie Chan music.
[1:08:54] Geoff: Well, I would want him specifically singing James Brown.
[1:08:57] Andrew: I think we could do... I think... Jeff, let me tell you about a movie. Also, he didn't sing that. Didn't they just pull James Brown's audio? Like, I feel like he just lip-sunged. They didn't even let him sing.
[1:09:09] Unidentified: How sad. Man, that looks expensive as shit. Yeah. This is where the budget went. Yeah.
[1:09:25] Gavin: Imagine the director describing what he wants to the props department. And they're like, for this movie? All right.
[1:09:34] Andrew: I like the secret entrance to my bunker to be a thing that people would just naturally do. All the time. They're in that area.
[1:09:43] Geoff: It's like, let's downsize from the pool. Let's make the secret entrance a hot tub and spend the money we save on a new script.
[1:09:52] Unidentified: Is that deer piss? To the left? A lot of deer piss. Does Stormare get to fight Chan in this? I don't think so. That's a shame. He doesn't strike me as, like, a fighting character. How many ladders has Jackie Chan slid down in his life?
[1:10:30] Geoff: I bet he's got a record. I bet he's got the record for most ladder slides in film. This set looks like half of every scene in the first three X-Men movies.
[1:10:48] Gavin: Which was the Uma Thurman Batman movie? Oh.
[1:10:52] Geoff: Batman and Robin?
[1:10:53] Andrew: Was that...
[1:10:54] Geoff: Robin? No.
[1:10:55] Gavin: Yeah.
[1:10:56] Unidentified: Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was Batman and Robin. It's got those vibes for me. Thank you. What? Okay.
[1:11:20] Andrew: Well, how long... How far into this movie are we? Did you throw the... It's got to be the end. Oh, my God. We're an hour and nine in. It took one hour and nine minutes to... For the main characters to learn what we learned three minutes in. What are they doing? Oh, it can camo?
[1:11:40] Gavin: Wait, how is it camoing when she was behind? Wouldn't it have to camo what was the back of the suit? No.
[1:11:46] Geoff: No, it says it works the same as the Harry Potter cloak. She was in the suit with him?
[1:11:53] Unidentified: Yeah, probably. It wrapped around her.
[1:12:04] Gavin: That scene would have been way funnier if she was just stood there on her own and then he was just materialistic.
[1:12:13] Geoff: That really would have been pretty funny. You really like that. I just like that funny scene would have made the movie twice as good. Just that. And then that got me thinking like, man, we should put... They should call us to punch up one scene in every movie. I like that idea a lot. Between the five of us, somebody will have a funny idea every time. Oh, absolutely.
[1:12:48] Gavin: I'd be terrible at that for a living. Like if that was my actual job and I was just watching movies all the time. If it was the occasional one movie and I just had to punch up one moment, I think I could nail that job.
[1:12:58] Andrew: I totally agree. There needs to be like a scene of the year award. We need to be like, we have won eight consecutive years. Our punch ups.
[1:13:10] Unidentified: Oh shit. Does she... Okay.
[1:13:28] Andrew: I don't care. It doesn't matter. Never mind. I don't care. I have no idea she didn't know that was... And who cares at this point? Like after everything he's done, who cares?
[1:13:37] Geoff: They saved your life like 86 times.
[1:13:48] Unidentified: Do the shoes do stuff? His roommates? He's wearing his roommates underwear? I think so. You know what? That tracks for a dude that wears a Hooters shirt all the time. They both have the same roommate? I... We could have made that scene better.
[1:14:18] Geoff: Maybe we could have punched up two scenes.
[1:14:20] Unidentified: Yeah, we could have approved that.
[1:14:36] Geoff: That is the moment of the film.
[1:14:38] Unidentified: Yeah. Where'd you shoot? Oh. Everything's got a flash. Everything kind of thing. Oh, those are pretty chairs.
[1:15:12] Geoff: And a sofa.
[1:15:13] Gavin: That's like rich people shit. If The Sims taught me anything. When you can spend more money on a couch, it's going to be all uncomfortable and divoted like that.
[1:15:21] Geoff: Dude, I bet that thing's super comfy.
[1:15:23] Gavin: Really?
[1:15:24] Geoff: I don't think I've ever sat on one.
[1:15:25] Gavin: Maybe I got the wrong impression of them.
[1:15:27] Geoff: I think that they're not comfortable at first, but once they're like 40 years old, it's like the most comfortable thing ever.
[1:15:45] Unidentified: Is there some sort of discovery happening here? Oh my God.
[1:15:47] Geoff: Yeah, he's figuring out Walter Strider is water strider. Oh. Are you just figuring that out too?
[1:15:57] Andrew: Water strider. Cuts to him at a Hooters.
[1:15:59] Unidentified: Did they make that painfully obvious in the beginning?
[1:16:13] Geoff: What do you mean? I think to the audience, but maybe not to the driver.
[1:16:16] Andrew: Yeah, like I think it's a problem of us as an audience knowing way more than the characters. We're a little more omniscient. Yeah.
[1:16:26] Geoff: Dude, who knew that guy could dance like that? And he didn't even have the suit on.
[1:16:29] Gavin: Do you think this is the most phoned in bad guy performance of all time?
[1:16:37] Andrew: I, he is more sadistic than the, he ripped the guy's hand in half.
[1:16:43] Unidentified: That's true.
[1:16:43] Andrew: But he just hasn't done anything is the problem.
[1:16:51] Unidentified: Nah, shit. It's over.
[1:16:54] Andrew: I always wonder where you hire people to work in this lab. Like, is this a LinkedIn thing? Like, how do you get staff for this?
[1:17:04] Geoff: Well, this is before LinkedIn, so this is probably the one. That's true. Or Craigslist.
[1:17:09] Gavin: Maybe just wait outside of a prison. It's adding a different element to the movie than people would get to experience.
[1:17:31] Andrew: This is, this is the punch-up that this film needed. And there's nothing I can do to stop it. I want you to go into movie theaters with Henry. Just ask me. I want people around you to react.
[1:17:48] Unidentified: Yeah. Oh, you get it, buddy.
[1:18:08] Geoff: Do you think this, can you guys think of another movie, it's kind of what Andrew was saying earlier, where you could tell the people that are in it wanted to be in it less?
[1:18:21] Andrew: Where they're like actively fighting the film. I'm trying to think of examples.
[1:18:24] Gavin: I mean, I would say the entirety of Diamonds Are Forever. Just look at Sean Cotterie.
[1:18:28] Geoff: Yeah, there you go. That's a good one. For me, it's probably The Cell. I don't know if you guys ever saw that movie. It was a Jennifer Lopez movie. I think Vince Vaughn was in it. Go watch that movie now, and you will see. The people are getting more depressed as the film progresses.
[1:18:41] Andrew: I will say Alvin and the Chipmunks 3 is a good one for that, because David Cross signed on to make three movies from the beginning, and he's fucking miserable. And the third one, they filmed all in Hawaii, and he had to wear a mascots outfit. And his characters upset the entire movie, and it's one of the greatest performances I've ever seen, because he's not performing. He's just genuinely miserable.
[1:19:04] Geoff: Is Jason Lee still in those, or is he off them now?
[1:19:07] Andrew: I think he was in the fourth one, and they stopped there.
[1:19:11] Geoff: Hmm.
[1:19:17] Unidentified: Oh, he's got a tuxedo now. The tuxedo. Detain.
[1:19:33] Andrew: Demonstration mode?
[1:19:35] Gavin: It starts the exact same way as demolition mode.
[1:19:37] Andrew: It does. This is how Steve Jobs opened the keynote with this product.
[1:19:43] Unidentified: Why does this guy hate water? Oh, shit. Damn. That was a fall. You, that's, there's no way he keeps his teeth. It's actually the reaction they had when reading the script.
[1:20:42] Andrew: Getting the call you actually were casted for the movie.
[1:20:45] Geoff: Isn't that the dragon fire that's under King's Landing? It is, yeah.
[1:20:49] Gavin: The high sparrow's right above this.
[1:21:00] Unidentified: That was a good stunt. They just tie a rope around him and yank it. I just didn't. Get it. Sure.
[1:21:37] Geoff: Why not?
[1:21:47] Andrew: Is this the only movie where two pieces of clothing are fighting? Like, we're just witnessing two outfits fighting each other?
[1:21:55] Gavin: They could both be asleep.
[1:21:56] Andrew: Oh, he fought Jackie Chan!
[1:22:04] Geoff: Isn't this essentially like the male version of the House of Gucci, I guess?
[1:22:10] Unidentified: I don't know.
[1:22:11] Geoff: What do you mean? That was a joke about, there was a movie about ladies' fashion. You were talking about fashion fighting. Sorry, I wasted on us. Great work. That's okay. Yeah, it was relevant because it's out right now. It just came out. Adam Driver's in it, right? Adam Driver's in it. Yeah. Lady Gaga. Yeah.
[1:22:28] Unidentified: That's a great joke. Thanks. Throw a third arm. Aw. Yeah. Aw.
[1:22:42] Andrew: You think they'd have software updates for the tuxedo? Like, what if in the middle of a fight sequence you needed a firmware update?
[1:22:55] Unidentified: Suddenly your tuxedo gets slower for no reason. What is going on? Like, why is all this shit? Why was there a pool full of snakes?
[1:23:11] Eric: I don't know, Eric.
[1:23:14] Andrew: Those for the poison snakes that are going to infiltrate with the mosquitoes or whatever. We're under King's Landing again.
[1:23:21] Geoff: Yeah, under King's Landing again.
[1:23:22] Andrew: The sound effect.
[1:23:25] Gavin: I think it was the same sound effect I put on Jeff's bike trick.
[1:23:31] Unidentified: He's gonna... So are they in a water reservoir right now?
[1:23:45] Andrew: Like, what is... If he opens that, what does that mean?
[1:23:49] Geoff: I think it contaminates the water and then people die.
[1:23:52] Eric: I think it lets the bug... It lets all the bugs out.
[1:23:55] Geoff: Yeah. But I don't know... It's like the opposite of what Bill Gates is doing with mosquitoes.
[1:24:02] Andrew: The shoelace has just attacked him. So the shoes are involved. The shoes are involved, yeah. The shoes are in.
[1:24:12] Unidentified: Wow!
[1:24:12] Andrew: What is he doing with his arms, though?
[1:24:14] Unidentified: Wow! Oh, fuck.
[1:24:25] Andrew: It'd be really great if this is where I realized what Walter Strider meant. Ten minutes left.
[1:24:32] Gavin: What if it's off to the credits?
[1:24:35] Andrew: It's in the blue for real.
[1:24:42] Unidentified: Why is the computer moving? Is it still moving? Where is... Pantuit? Never mind. Just kick him in the testes. Could you, like, change his suit profile? Yeah!
[1:25:14] Gavin: Oh, like, hack his suit?
[1:25:16] Andrew: Yeah, like, could you just go to mass potato mode? That felt very Looney Tunes. Oh, shit!
[1:25:25] Gavin: Oh, he's melting a bit.
[1:25:27] Unidentified: Just a bit. Just a little seer. You're a cab driver! Why are you okay with this? Uh-oh.
[1:25:50] Andrew: It sounded like a guess. He wasn't confident in his delivery.
[1:25:55] Gavin: This is fucking stupid. So was she calling him a queen earlier? Is that what the joke was?
[1:26:00] Unidentified: I don't... I don't know. No! Oh, they failed so quickly! Uh-oh. Everyone is just like, wait a second.
[1:26:29] Andrew: What's gonna happen?
[1:26:32] Gavin: Don't mosquitoes live for, like, a day?
[1:26:35] Andrew: It's something short like that. Yeah, it's like two days, I think.
[1:26:37] Geoff: Is this a mosquito or a water strider? It might be one. It's a water strider.
[1:26:41] Eric: They said the name a bunch of times.
[1:26:43] Geoff: Oh, yeah, yeah. I forgot. They had a whole thing about it. Yeah, Walter Strider, not Moe Skeleto.
[1:26:50] Andrew: Can you imagine having a plot to end the world that could be stopped by a shot glass? Or a fucking...
[1:27:08] Geoff: Or a fly swatter.
[1:27:14] Unidentified: I would eat the bug. I would have bit it. Save the world. None of these people are attacking you.
[1:27:33] Andrew: They're not paid to, to be fair. They just cleaned the snake pool. Oh, he's back!
[1:27:42] Unidentified: Oh, shit.
[1:27:51] Gavin: This sucks. They got that shot in the edit and thought, it shouldn't last 90 seconds. We're gonna have to speed this up.
[1:27:57] Eric: I have a feeling I know what's gonna happen.
[1:27:59] Unidentified: Oh, four times! Hell yeah! Good lord!
[1:28:31] Geoff: There were a lot of nightmares after this. This is Walter White.
[1:28:35] Unidentified: He got Imhotep. The mommy! This is like the good guy show up now. This is what she was talking about. Now they got Pally cases. He's got the same shitty fucking sideburns. Bob!
[1:29:22] Geoff: Maybe we should only watch movies that he's in. Boboos?
[1:29:29] Unidentified: He could never be an undercover agent.
[1:29:31] Gavin: That guy's role was to run in and punch Jackie Chan in the face. That was it. Yeah.
[1:29:37] Andrew: You wouldn't take that role? That sounds like a great part.
[1:29:40] Unidentified: I hate all your movies. It's an honor to help. I hate your films. Oh, not another guy in the snake pit! Oh, no. Oh, no. Do you guys remember what this is? Are we gonna get the biker? If they pay off the biker gag. They are!
[1:30:40] Unidentified: That guy didn't even do anything in the face.
[1:30:51] Andrew: No! I mean, he overreacted, definitely, but like...
[1:30:55] Unidentified: It was a very New York reaction, though.
[1:31:06] Geoff: By the way, this cost the United States government about $250 million. Just this 18-second operation where he gets revenge on a bike messenger.
[1:31:28] Unidentified: Oh, Jesus. I'm glad Devlin made it. I forgot that this was a thing. Nice beret. He's back! Oh, no! Why'd they do that? Is that Jorge from Lost? Yeah, it was Hurley. It's the homeless guy? I'm not even kidding. I think that was him. Yeah.
[1:32:09] Geoff: It looked like him, yeah. No.
[1:32:14] Andrew: You know, it could have been Hurley?
[1:32:18] Gavin: I don't think it was him.
[1:32:19] Unidentified: Let's see if it's Jorge Garcia or the tuxedo. It wasn't him. It wasn't him? It wasn't him.
[1:32:54] Andrew: He was busy making big-shot confessions of a campus bookie in 2002. So he was not available.
[1:33:00] Gavin: I'm not surprised.
[1:33:01] Andrew: It did look like him.
[1:33:03] Unidentified: It did look like him. This movie's still going. He's an agent now?
[1:33:16] Geoff: Yeah. That's how he can command so much of the government's might and money to ask a girl out on a date.
[1:33:34] Unidentified: That's a cute outfit she's wearing. Bet it doesn't have a mashed potato mode. Ask her out, dickhead! Jesus. Yes. There you go. I'm just here thinking about the skateboard bomb.
[1:34:23] Geoff: There should have been more of that. Do you think they invent and then build a skateboard bomb? Or do you think they buy that from, like, an evil, like, middle-order catalog?
[1:34:33] Andrew: Do you think there's, like, an evil eBay? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
[1:34:38] Geoff: It's like an overstock.com for, like, hinching.
[1:34:51] Unidentified: What the f- Ooh!
[1:34:55] Geoff: He's gonna dick her!
[1:34:57] Unidentified: This sucks! Did it used to just be called Tux? It was. It was originally just called Tux. Wow, she can move.
[1:35:33] Andrew: I like the idea that all of these movies- This is, like, a $60 million vehicle for a blooper reel.
[1:35:56] Geoff: Jackie Chan might be the most likable person on Earth.
[1:36:02] Gavin: I know. He always says that, like, the dialogue days are his least favorite. He just wants to punch stuff. Just because- Yeah. He's never been confident in his English.
[1:36:11] Geoff: But he's so naturally funny. I know. Did he just play the fuck stick? We should get Jackie Chan to voice a fuck stick that we could make.
[1:37:01] Andrew: Well, that was a movie. Well, there you go. Eric just shot off the movie. Yeah.
[1:37:10] Geoff: Yeah. Absolutely. Eric's fucking done.
[1:37:14] Eric: That movie is so- It's so long. It's so long for an hour and a half. It's a long night, yeah. Nothing happens for an hour.
[1:37:23] Geoff: Yeah, that movie is like- They packed a Lord of the Rings into an hour and 38 minutes. God damn.
[1:37:33] Gavin: Yeah, those additional, like, 18 years didn't do anything for me. Oh, man. Since it came out.
[1:37:40] Andrew: Imagining 18 years ago, you being so disappointed right now. Not the most disappointed you've ever- You were so excited. You pre-ordered it. Ready to go. And the exact same feeling.
[1:37:53] Geoff: Should we rate this film in some way? Or do we not care?
[1:37:57] Eric: Yeah. It's, you know, rated out of five tuxedos. Okay.
[1:38:03] Andrew: I give it two and a half hooter wings out of ten.
[1:38:06] Gavin: Yeah, I give it four water striders.
[1:38:08] Geoff: Uh, I'm, I'm just, I'm going to give it, uh, I'm going to give it one Peter Stormer.
[1:38:20] Eric: Excellent.
[1:38:23] Geoff: Nick or Eric?
[1:38:25] Eric: I, I mean, I think you guys really summed it up. I, I, like, I will give it, I'll give it 0.5 blooper reels because that didn't feel like a whole one. There you go. I'll give it one deer pissing in a river. One deer piss. Nick's only contribution to the whole thing.
[1:38:47] Geoff: I hope to God, uh, a regulation listener or comment lever, uh, makes a, a tuxedo poster with all those rings on it. Like a four year consideration type thing. Oh, man. Well, we did it. We watched a movie together. We did it. How long did it take us to do this? Uh, what? Couple hours? Yeah.
[1:39:11] Eric: No. I mean, like, we didn't think, Jeff, I didn't think that's what you were asking either. Okay, thanks, man. I, I got, I got where you were. That's, I appreciate it. It mean you, bud. Oh, okay.
[1:39:22] Unidentified: Fucking idiots.
[1:39:24] Geoff: When was this idea presented to when we made the fucking video? Did it take us two months, three months?
[1:39:32] Eric: That was a few weeks. I think it was, it was probably a little over a month, but now we know that we can do it. We know how to do it. We've got all the kinks worked out. So next time you decide to think of a movie you saw 13 years ago and you want to watch it again, you let me know and I'll get it, I'll get it ready to go.
[1:39:49] Geoff: I think that's great. And can I, can I just say, thank you guys for continuing to innovate. I was just counting it up in my head. This is the fourth kind of alternate, uh, shoulder sub, uh, bonus content we've made. We did the break show. We had, yeah, and the FFU, we've made the break show, right? We've done food review shows. We've done Apple reviews. Uh, we've done Andrew, ask Andrew a bunch of sad questions about his life. And then this. So now we watch movies together for different, different kinds of innovative pieces of content. I'm just happy that this already, already in the season four of this show and we're still coming up with new ideas. So Pat, Pat, you guys all in the back. Congratulations.
[1:40:32] Andrew: I, I would like to know when was the last time someone watched the tuxedo and there's, we have to be, no one has made content about the tuxedo. Who's making content about the tuxedo but us.
[1:40:41] Gavin: Do you think that was the first stream on HBO Go that it got?
[1:40:44] Unidentified: It has to.
[1:40:46] Andrew: Do you think it ticked an alarm somewhere? There's a light going off of Jackie Chan's house and he's very confused as to why. It was installed 18 years ago. Nobody has hit play on the tuxedo since you bought it.
[1:40:58] Geoff: The gold, the golden water strider on his desk just lit up. All right. Well, I think that should probably do it. Let us know what you thought about that unless you didn't like it. And if you didn't like it, that's fucking awesome. Just don't tell us. But if you did like it and you want us to do it again, let us know. Yeah. Which movie you want next? Yeah. Movie or TV show, pilot, reality show. You can say none if you want. Yeah. None is an answer. None is an answer. But maybe you all want us to watch more Bob movies. Or maybe you want us to watch more Danny Trejo content. We're down for whatever. I fucking, I'm, I am always willing to take a ride back in time and hang out with Arthur Fonzarelli. Just saying.
[1:41:45] Andrew: You really want us to watch Happy Days.
[1:41:48] Geoff: I watched a lot of, a lot of Happy Days when I was a kid. It was, I was of that era. Ta-ta. Bye now.
[1:41:55] Andrew: Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
[1:41:56] Unidentified: Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
